In Search of Naunny's Grave: Age, Class, Gender and Ethnicity in an American Family (Ethnographic Alternatives) by Nick Trujillo & Nick Trujillo

Author:Nick Trujillo & Nick Trujillo [Trujillo, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9780759115804
Publisher: AltaMira Press
Published: 2004-02-16T05:00:00+00:00

GIVING US EVERYTHING

The firmly ensconced cultural view of women as givers creates the injunction that women must be givers to be good women.

—JULIA WOOD, Who Cares?

I’ve finished my Christmas shopping. At least all we can afford! This is one time I wish I’d been born rich, instead of poor. I’d love to give so much more. Pete says, “It’s better to receive than to give.” I always tell him, “You have to share, that’s what living is all about. You know, Bread cast upon the water.” He says, “For that, you get a soggy mess.” Oh well, to each his own.

—from Naunny’s journal

Like serving, giving is another one of the defining acts of a grandmother. In her book on family and nostalgia, Stephanie Coontz notes that throughout history, both men and women have romanticized giving by mothers—and, by extension, by grandmothers-as an act of altruistic love and generosity. Most children expect their grandmothers to give them gifts for their birthdays and holidays, and cookies and candy or other treats when they visit them. Quite simply, most relatives interpret giving, like serving, as one of the idealized acts that define the essence of grandmothers and other women in the family.

Not surprisingly, then, many of the stories about my grandmother focused on her generosity to others. Family members made almost identical comments about how Naunny would give you virtually anything. Naunny’s niece put it this way in a letter to me: “You never told Aunt Elsie you liked something she had, because the next thing you know she would give it to you or send it by mail to you. I have a Persian lamb jacket she sent me because I told her I liked it on her.”

Other relatives told stories of when my grandmother gave money and/or gifts to them. My cousin Tim said that when he was a little kid Naunny once went door-to-door to borrow money so that he could buy a mask. His younger brother Tom told me that Naunny would buy him pancakes when he stopped by Louise’s Cafe where she worked as a waitress.

Other family members recalled how she gave her home to all family members, especially relatives who were moving to or visiting California. One niece wrote this recollection:

Dad would tell us stories about how in the 1930s everyone in the family from Colorado who was going to California to look for work stayed first with Aunt Elsie and Grandma. Auntie and Grandma put everyone up, not just individuals but entire families! My mom, dad, and I lived with Auntie and Grandma for a short time until Dad found work.

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